Updates from the Couch: Day 20

Okay; I’m not going to lie. My wife’s right – I’m a huge wuss.

So, it seems that, according to the Toilet Demon, the Closet Troll has an aversion to being cold. I don’t want to be responsible for the dude’s death! Seriously though, they’re both in the closet right now, drinking tea and eating my bagels. I can hear them laughing just now. You know what? My wife is right! I am a huge wuss. Still, it’s better to try and live together instead of having all the BS / Jerry Springer / crap going on, right? Okay – yeah…. I’m a big wuss. Heart like Jell-O…for the most part.

Anyways…I hope your day is going well. Mine has been great. I spent some time with the greatest love of my life, then took the baby downstairs for a bit to play. It’s been a pretty regular da… What the hell was that? I just heard a loud banging sound from the kitchen…I’ll be right back.

These mother fuc… nope – I’ll restrain myself.

Well, it seems that while I was having a human moment, these pricks filed the proper paperwork to evict me – from my own freaking house! Now I know why they’re laughing. That’s it, I’m getting them both out of here. They’ll stay here one more night over my dead body. And, if I don’t leave an update tomorrow, you’ll know that’s what happened. So please make sure you tell the feds that shit.

How the hell do you evict someone from their own freakin house? Please, can someone explain that to me? This paperwork looks all legal n shit, so now I’ll have to get with my lawyer and figure this out. It never fails…just when I try and do something good, it bites me on the ass! I didn’t refrain that time (sorry kids).

Welp, anyone that knows me, knows that I always keep a loaded weapon in my home. I mean…if it comes down to it. I was already up all night, cleaning shit-demon prints off my ceiling with a mop and telescopic handle. Then I actually felt sorry for the turds? Not going to happen again. I’ll get Johnny up in the morning, and these arse-faces are outta here!

 But tonight…it’s chill time. I’m going to do some writing in solitude… well, except for the sounds f laughter coming from the closet. Pricks. Your hours are ticking away. More update tomorrow

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