Updates from the Couch: Day 23

Yes, you read that right – day 23. Wait, you may be thinking; what happened to day 22? Well, about that…I needed a day. You know, to decompress. Do a little reading / editing. I’m sure you understand. So, let’s just pretend that yesterday doesn’t exist, shall we?

I made peace with the Troll and toilet demon. Well, they made the peace. I was about to Stallone them, but it turns out, they’re kind of a couple. They eloped to Reno. So, they’re gone now. There are a few boxes of Troll-turds in my closet, but at least the little freak is gone. I’ll get to the Troll feces when I feel a little better. But for now, I’m just trying to ignore the smell coming from the hall closet and relax a little – enjoy time with my little one – who incidentally needs a ba-ba right about now. I’ll be right back.

Fucking shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Dicks! Shit…must give the baby her bottle. Be right back.

Okay, baby in her playpen. So, I went in the kitchen to make the baby a bottle earlier, right? Remember that? So…guess what I found when I went in there. Those little assholes glued a crucifix to the front of the fridge…with a chicken attached to it! What the actual cluck? That’s it, I’m searching the house. I’m taking the gun, too. They’re going get it.

And…I’m back. I searched everywhere – no Troll, no Demon. I really don’t… Wait. I do know! The douche-nozzle made a fucking copy of the housekey! Oh…that Butt-monkey is going to get it now! I’m going to hide out, wait patiently, and when he sneaks in…well, I don’t really know, but I know he won’t like it! But, I’m pretty sure he won’t be back today, so I’ll update on the Troll-Demon situation as it unfolds.

Hey…you know what? I bet this little shit also made a copy of the mail key. I’ll be back in a sec.

Troll-turd in the mailbox, sitting on my Stimulus Check! I know the little bastard just did it too. The thing’s still steaming! I just can’t with this day anymore. I’m going to get him good, though. Just you wait and see.

I’ll be back on tomorrow. I’m just done with this day.

Best wishes.

R.M.

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