Updates from the Couch: Day 24

Whelp – I woke up early and came downstairs – no sign of mystical creatures. I guess that’s good news, but I do not feel overly optimistic. I mean, just because I did not find an Elf Head in the fridge…or a fairy hand popping up from the toaster does not mean it will not still happen. I know it seems I am reaching here, but trust me if anything, I am being conservative. I am sure when the time comes (if it does), it will be worse than either of those scenarios. So…I guess I wait.

Anyway, back to this Baby Bum show on Netflix. It is a great distractor for my one-year-old, but really – daddy-finger? What the actual hell? Some of the visuals (when mixed with the lyrics) put anything the bored animators at Disney could ever dream up to shame! I feel like maybe I should find something else for my child to watch. I mean…is this show going to screw up her head or something?

What else is there to talk about. Let’s see… Oh yeah, working from home sounds all cool and stuff, but when I can’t connect to the same portals and software the folks at the office can, it can get pretty frustrating. I went to upload a document this morning and… Shit! What the hell was that? I’ll be right back.

Holy-hell god damn little sonofabitches! One of those little pricks must have an invisibility cloak or something. I swear they do! So, I’m talking to y’all, right? Then, all a sudden, I hear the fridge slam shut. You know where this is going, right? Wrong! There wasn’t an Elf head in the fridge (I imagine the pricks couldn’t find an Elf on such short notice), but there was a Fairy hand – submerged in half a pot of mac-and-cheese, and giving me the finger. I have to say, if this happened to anyone else, I’d be laughing my ass off. But I guess, when you’re the butt of the practical jokes, the humour seems to get lost somewhere.

So…now I need to put a padlock on my f’ing fridge? And also, where are these freaks? If they can sneak around my house like the Hollow Man, I’m in some real trouble. Next they’ll probably pull all my baby’s shitty diapers from the Genie and smash them against the walls. Whoops…did I write that out loud? Forget I even mentioned that. These little pricks will do it. I’m going to look something up. Give me a few secs.

Yep, that’s what I thought. There’s a Troll-Removal Service here in town. It’s called The Trollminators, so I guess they’re pretty freaking serious about their work. Gonna give these dudes a call. Hopefully, they can come out today. If not, I’ll update you tomorrow.

Later, y’all.

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